Our Own Entanglement
Over the past two weeks, I've conducted targeted wellness 'Check Ins' for a group that wanted to assure that those who felt the need to register were connected with and equipped with healthy coping skills and others feeling similar. It was also a way for the organization to identify even folks feeling stressed are continuing to exhibit a sense of 'within normal range' resiliency attributes during this new season for our nation's people.
As we were discussing the abundant list of possible self care rhythms one could implement or are already embracing during this time, a theme began to emerge. I noticed many of the self care rhythms shared were dependent on outside circumstances which were actually hindering our ability to maintain resiliency during a more marathon-like season rather than a one time or short term event. The majority of efforts shared were seeking comfort and stability from external factors: nice weather, spouse being home, kids behaving, going shopping, gym routine/equipment, keeping schedule busy and others. In this season of social isolation where many of these are not guaranteed, reliable or accessible in their traditional form, it pushed us to recognize that we had tied ourselves up so far from the deeper struggle we haven't taken the time to recognize it existed. By taking a pause to examine the actual root struggle we develop the ability to find more tangible resiliency tools that are cross-situational.
Dealing with roots can be a beautiful thing but not easy by any means. And typically it's only beautiful after the planting and growth process when we get to look back and see the blooms. Our natural inclination is to fight against (tension) or flee from (avoid) significant feelings and discomfort. Our lack of interaction with the roots can diminish our resiliency muscle. More often than not, we don't even realize we haven't been digging deep enough until conversations like the ones above arise and situations like our current state in our nation unfold. Learning tools that assist in our ability to sit, examine, navigate and resolve some emotions, beliefs, and or discomfort can actually help with current and future struggles (resiliency).
We realize that it is not removing the struggles, but the response to the struggles and our posture navigating them that matters. THIS is the beauty of creating true tools of resiliency that are within our control.
In checking on our current resiliency tools now, some questions you might ask yourself to begin untangling the distractions might include:
- Who Do I Need To Execute This Tool? (Me or Me plus ....)
- What Do I Need To Execute This Tool? (Do I have the materials on hand or does it require additional preparation?)
- Where Can I Implement This Tool? (Wherever I am or dependent on place/business/location?)
- What Struggle Does This Tool Address? (shame, fear, disconnect, unawareness, anger, etc)
- Are There Others Who Might Know More On This Struggle That Have Found Ways To Cope Healthily?